Its not, I don't blame you for not being able to see the full picture, but a face can't rotate 180 degrees, and fact that its a top down perspective with me lying down on my back, after eating ALOT, when I was already big. This should make more sense when you know I enjoy and support "Soft Fantasies". You have no idea that a navel is just another hole when one is big enough. The fact that its so small as an icon makes it understandable the misinterpretation, as you can't see all these fine details.
Oh shet, how can I not think about that before?! Thank you so much for the review! (QwQ)/✨✨
Also, I kinda have the hots for muscular arms so ig that's why. (o^o)... Unfortunately, will deflate the size soon when I have time cuz I think it does look kinda big at some point. (Perhaps I went too ahead of myself when I was drawing the arms? ('ÚwÙ))
i think i should point out first then,the characteristic of the MC is kind of well cheesy,a bit childish,cheery,playful and kinda cute?
next the demon look not that bad,yes it seem unatural but not bad but kind of look like an Experiment subject of some crazy guy
next the character is fine and all as the art style is already Unique but i kinda think that when the Vein is showing it does look great but also kinda look like mad? is that the word?
next the music sound and sound effect are great but if i didn't lower it a bit it kinda loud but that is fine
the writing style is cute with the emote and a bit of teasing yourself and the character which light up the overall mood
the story progression is okay,a bit weird but that is fine as it just mean more thing to look into
that is all i can think and put into word from me,don't think much of it and great work so far
Thank you very much Mr Aki for giving out your honest review! \(>w<)/✨
Btw, sorry about the sound volume!(QwQ) Ngl I do need some proofreading before I posted it in here cuz I work alone and there's also no one else I know who has the interest to read them for me in real-time at that time. If you ask me it's always seemed and sounded the same for me no matter how many times I edited the game.(q~q)
That's why I need more of your reviews from you readers as much as possible and fix the game and not repeat the same mistakes in the immediate future. Hope all of you, including you Mr Aki, to give me a similar type of commentary after I'd posted the next build which is due a few days from now.
The dev of socially awkward. You both speak similar so i was sure you were friends already. Ask him for code help because he's basically a master of renpy at this point
Also sorry didn't want to be mean. Just wasn't sure how exactly to tell people to give the vn a try in spite of.. your public relation skills? I only tried it after seeing nikko give you 5 stars, thinking hey maybe it's good.
Oohhhh that Monchi! Yeah I know them! A good dev indeed. (UwU)... Also, don't worry you weren't being mean. I was just messing with ya lol! XDXD I know that you were just being honest and I really appreciate that. (>wO)/✨✨... So don't be afraid to give out your opinion about my game, aight?(ÙwÚ)
The wording/phrasing is a bit off. The sprite has arms too muscular/upper body not muscular enough. Same may be for legs, but the pants seem looser than the shirt, so may not be needed as they would be able to hide the muscle. Anatomy just seems a bit disproportionate. I feel like there could be more detail, but you could be only going over details quickly for the intro, so I can't say much there. Lots of wall breaks, jeez... XD at least you use my kind of humor! ^^ I feel like you named your novel based on that he is trying to get back home, but the journey is dangerous, just like his voyage home was.
Wow, your review is very well observed on the game I'm impressed. (>w>)... First of all, yes I know that the words are not as good and aesthetic as how I wanted them to be but I'm a self-learner in English so I'm sorry if my grammar or vocabulary had somehow missed the point of the lore. Secondly, yes I do notice about the sprite's anatomy is a bit off with the arms as well with the legs but tbh due to the bunches of assignments that are looming inside my head that constantly reminded me to do I was not motivated enough to fix them. In another word, I was procrastinating (with the covid and all :3). And that's why I'm planning on redrawing the sprite once I've got all of my college assignments done approximately at the end of December. So please bear with me, aight? (QwQ)/... Also, by "wall breaks" do you mean the "4th wall"? Cuz if you do then yes, I just like the idea of how my oc interact with someone(including me) in real life. It's kinda exciting if you think about it, you know what I mean? \(^w^)/... Last but not least, your indication about the title is pretty accurate. However, of course, there's more to it than meets the eye behind the title name but if you wanna know more about them, be sure to read more of my vn in the future. (>wÓ)/(Don't forget to give a like and ratings too while you're at it! XDXD)
Well the story so far has me excited and intrigued both for the events that will unfold the interactions between characters. Great work so far!
I would recommend getting a proofread or two of what you've got so far because the tense is all over the place which made it difficult to read and parse the meaning.
Also here's another pro-tip: You can split the script into multiple files to make it easier to manage. I recommend splitting it into the chapters you already have marked (making sure you label them so you can jump to the next chapter at the end of the previous chapter). I can also recommend separating out all the setup (like defining characters, images, and sounds) into yet another script file which is in an init block (this tells Ren'Py to do all the setup before jumping to the start label).
And finally, there are plenty of platforms where you can ask for help developing a visual novel or using Ren'Py if you want it. The main ones I know about are the Lemma Soft Forums and the official Discord server for Ren'Py. Plenty of great and helpful people on there!
← Return to game
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
I liked the spells! Looked pretty cool.
Also can't believe you included his butthole profile picture in the credits lol (think it was saruz?) xD
Its not, I don't blame you for not being able to see the full picture, but a face can't rotate 180 degrees, and fact that its a top down perspective with me lying down on my back, after eating ALOT, when I was already big. This should make more sense when you know I enjoy and support "Soft Fantasies". You have no idea that a navel is just another hole when one is big enough. The fact that its so small as an icon makes it understandable the misinterpretation, as you can't see all these fine details.
Oh wow, okay o_o
Feel free to check out my FA, not a lot, BUTT *facepaws* it is all tame!
I have been enlightened.
Unfortunatelly I still can't unsee it xD
Just saw this one after reading the new DevLog's comments and little did I know, my life was a lie XDXD
Spoilers?
Throughout my read, I noticed a lot of "I"s(as in the pronoun) were put into use, such as:
"I came here in peace and I mean no harm to you."
In my opinion, the pronouns used in some sentences are kind of, rigid? And many of them could be simplified:
"I came here in peace, and mean no harm to you."
or
"I slowly open my eyes into consciousness and soon, I just realised that I was..."
to
"I slowly open my eyes into consciousness, and soon realised that I was..."
Love the VN otherwise. Have a good holiday!
PS:
Those arms of the MC are kinda thicc for a "tech geek" :)Oh shet, how can I not think about that before?! Thank you so much for the review! (QwQ)/✨✨
Also, I kinda have the hots for muscular arms so ig that's why. (o^o)... Unfortunately, will deflate the size soon when I have time cuz I think it does look kinda big at some point. (Perhaps I went too ahead of myself when I was drawing the arms? ('ÚwÙ))
Btw, happy holiday to you too! (O3<)/
i think i should point out first then,the characteristic of the MC is kind of well cheesy,a bit childish,cheery,playful and kinda cute?
next the demon look not that bad,yes it seem unatural but not bad but kind of look like an Experiment subject of some crazy guy
next the character is fine and all as the art style is already Unique but i kinda think that when the Vein is showing it does look great but also kinda look like mad? is that the word?
next the music sound and sound effect are great but if i didn't lower it a bit it kinda loud but that is fine
the writing style is cute with the emote and a bit of teasing yourself and the character which light up the overall mood
the story progression is okay,a bit weird but that is fine as it just mean more thing to look into
that is all i can think and put into word from me,don't think much of it and great work so far
have a nice day and good luck.
Thank you very much Mr Aki for giving out your honest review! \(>w<)/✨
Btw, sorry about the sound volume!(QwQ) Ngl I do need some proofreading before I posted it in here cuz I work alone and there's also no one else I know who has the interest to read them for me in real-time at that time. If you ask me it's always seemed and sounded the same for me no matter how many times I edited the game.(q~q)
That's why I need more of your reviews from you readers as much as possible and fix the game and not repeat the same mistakes in the immediate future. Hope all of you, including you Mr Aki, to give me a similar type of commentary after I'd posted the next build which is due a few days from now.
HAPPY HOLIDAY AND CHEERS EVERYONE!\(✨w✨)/
i will try to give my honest feed back as much as possible then
and happy Holiday to you too
Must say I expected less based on the writing style of the author but It's not bad! Didn't think i'd find another author that sounds like monchi lol
Now that's a real passive-aggressive commentary right there so thanks... I guess?(ÓwÒ) Anyway, who's Monchi? (>w>)
The dev of socially awkward. You both speak similar so i was sure you were friends already. Ask him for code help because he's basically a master of renpy at this point
Also sorry didn't want to be mean. Just wasn't sure how exactly to tell people to give the vn a try in spite of.. your public relation skills? I only tried it after seeing nikko give you 5 stars, thinking hey maybe it's good.
Oohhhh that Monchi! Yeah I know them! A good dev indeed. (UwU)... Also, don't worry you weren't being mean. I was just messing with ya lol! XDXD I know that you were just being honest and I really appreciate that. (>wO)/✨✨... So don't be afraid to give out your opinion about my game, aight?(ÙwÚ)
Btw, Nikko? As in the Nikko of VN Burrows? (ÚwÙ)
Have you not checked who has rated you in the past few days?
Michelle Jones once said, "Expect the disappointment to not get disappointed"(UwU)
Therefore, no I do not, sir.(OwO)
The wording/phrasing is a bit off. The sprite has arms too muscular/upper body not muscular enough. Same may be for legs, but the pants seem looser than the shirt, so may not be needed as they would be able to hide the muscle. Anatomy just seems a bit disproportionate. I feel like there could be more detail, but you could be only going over details quickly for the intro, so I can't say much there. Lots of wall breaks, jeez... XD at least you use my kind of humor! ^^ I feel like you named your novel based on that he is trying to get back home, but the journey is dangerous, just like his voyage home was.
Wow, your review is very well observed on the game I'm impressed. (>w>)... First of all, yes I know that the words are not as good and aesthetic as how I wanted them to be but I'm a self-learner in English so I'm sorry if my grammar or vocabulary had somehow missed the point of the lore. Secondly, yes I do notice about the sprite's anatomy is a bit off with the arms as well with the legs but tbh due to the bunches of assignments that are looming inside my head that constantly reminded me to do I was not motivated enough to fix them. In another word, I was procrastinating (with the covid and all :3). And that's why I'm planning on redrawing the sprite once I've got all of my college assignments done approximately at the end of December. So please bear with me, aight? (QwQ)/... Also, by "wall breaks" do you mean the "4th wall"? Cuz if you do then yes, I just like the idea of how my oc interact with someone(including me) in real life. It's kinda exciting if you think about it, you know what I mean? \(^w^)/... Last but not least, your indication about the title is pretty accurate. However, of course, there's more to it than meets the eye behind the title name but if you wanna know more about them, be sure to read more of my vn in the future. (>wÓ)/(Don't forget to give a like and ratings too while you're at it! XDXD)
Will do in due time! *SUPERWAGS*
Wait a sec, is that the old one I put up there?
I don't know what you're talking about...!?
*laughing mischievously in altering the universe*
Well the story so far has me excited and intrigued both for the events that will unfold the interactions between characters. Great work so far!
I would recommend getting a proofread or two of what you've got so far because the tense is all over the place which made it difficult to read and parse the meaning.
Also here's another pro-tip: You can split the script into multiple files to make it easier to manage. I recommend splitting it into the chapters you already have marked (making sure you label them so you can jump to the next chapter at the end of the previous chapter). I can also recommend separating out all the setup (like defining characters, images, and sounds) into yet another script file which is in an init block (this tells Ren'Py to do all the setup before jumping to the start label).
And finally, there are plenty of platforms where you can ask for help developing a visual novel or using Ren'Py if you want it. The main ones I know about are the Lemma Soft Forums and the official Discord server for Ren'Py. Plenty of great and helpful people on there!
W-wow... I'm literally speechless rn. Thank you for spending your precious time telling me these tips! I'll do my best next time!(QwQ)/✨✨
read the description and im now curious, seems like it should be fun!
*Looking away with doubt*
tried it today, your doubt was misplaced as it was fun and i cant wait for you to feel better and to update this again. thanks for creating this!
I'll take this moment lovingly to my grave (QvQ)💖💖
Why do I have a feeling that you love anime?... Why am I asking this, of course you doooo! (>ÒwÓ)>
YES I DO, FREND! (/ÒwÓ)/
wow very coincidental we both ended up finding this with our names.
Lol look at how much my pack has grown (QwQ)/✨
*gasps in dragon* O.o
Just as a heads-up, with ren’py you can make it so the pc version can run on linux as well (otherwise you need the ren’py sdk to run it)
I knew that I should've gone for Linux too. Thx for the reminder. (UwU)/
Android build?
DONE! (>3O)/
the description convince me to play this game xd and sorry for my bad english
Sokay, I'm just happy that you're here (QwQ)/
I confess, that self referred game description was nice. Definitely gonna play it, when I got the time that is
Aight, dude. Take your time. (>wO)/